I haven't had anything that has really made me want to smile lately. I mean I smile but not the kind of smile that lasts. I used to have that smile that brought people good cheer. I thought today it's been awhile since I have really smiled at people. I smirk alot at people. A kind of smirk when you walk by somebody and using non-verbal to say hi and you give a slight nod of your head. It's not really a heart warming smile though.
I have had a bad disposition for awhile. I have really hated living here in Arkansas the past year. I go to Wal-mart and I just get frustrated with everybody there. They stand in the aisle and talk and block the area you need to go to. It just gets to me!
I've had a bad disposition with Searcy people over the past 2 years. I've tried to figure it out, but I just don't understand why I hate it down here. I think part of my problem with Searcy people was working for Cingular for the past 2 years. Everyday me and the other employee just got hammered all the time for Cingulars stupid mistakes on their bill. I have never been in the business where the customer is out to get you for something on their bill or their phone went dead. The customer always pointed the finger at us. When it should've been pointed right back at the customer. Normally the problem was the customers. They got on the Internet and downloaded a bunch of junk and their bill was outrages or they beat the snot out of their phone and said it was Cingulars fault. I guess I let it get too me. So back in November they let me and some others go. I believe it was a blessing in disguise. I've become a better person for it! But still this hate for living here roams in me. I just want out!
I used to cheer for the Razorbacks and now I just can't stand them. I used to be joyous that I moved down here, but now I regret it. I guess I just feel trapped. But I think I would be fine if we would have stayed in Little Rock. I love Little Rock, I have nothing against that city, it has everything we need. That's part 1 of my disposition. But me and Searcy are going to work things out. I just need to ask God for some patience.
Part 2: is all you here about on the news is all the bad stuff going on in the world today. There is nothing good about Iraq. We should not have ever gone there in the first place. Everybody hates our country around the world because of Iraq. The headline of the news tonight was about a little girl being murdered in the bad part of Little Rock. It's just constant. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for anything good to happen in the world today. Now all you hear about is us maybe taking on Iran. My theory: DON'T MESS AROUND WITH THE MIDDLE EAST. UNTIL YOU HAVE A SOLID IDEA TO GET IN AND GET OUT. It's just depressing!
But I believe God has used all this turmoil and my bad disposition to draw me closer to him. I feel closer to him by studying his word. I'm starting to realize I am here for a purpose. I'm not a biblical scholar, I don't have pope credentials, I don't speak in front of the large masses. But I read the section where the Bible talks of "One Body but Many Parts." I believe all of ours parts are small but we never know how our small role can really be helping somebody else. I believe my role is to make anybody laugh about something, even the in-laws (A tough crowd sometimes) I can get them to laugh sometimes. I have found that I always try to find a way to make a bad situation seem better by making a joke. Of course Shannon has said to me many times "not right now." But I love to laugh, but laughing with others. If the situation in the room seems awkward I turn on the goofy button and make it easier in the room. I don't like quiet rooms where nobody says anything, it drives me nuts. Except for funeral homes I won't be in their long enough for the silence to bother me. If your going to be around me you better talk or I will find some reason for the silence to go away.
All in all my bad disposition is going to work itself out somehow. I pray about it all the time. God's gonna get it out of me somehow and bring that true smile back to my face. We all need to smile more. We need to ignore the news and its constant reporting of bad news and just remember everything is fine with God and he's gonna make things better. Read his word and say a good long prayer about everything tonight and every night, it'll make you smile. I promise!
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